There has never been a time when teens have had more freedom, more opportunity, and  as a result, more responsibility. Easy access to the Internet, the wide availability of cell phones and cable TV, and the explosion of pop music, videos and culture have produced a rich and varied life experience for  teens. 

At school, the new Regents standards are demanding much more of teens in foreign languages, the sciences, mathematics and other areas. The pressure to get into college or career training and to pay for higher education is intense.

Two parent and single parent families alike are working more and are less available to provide emotional support to teens and to be as involved in their teens’ lives as they would like. Many teens must work while in school to pay for such things as automobiles, cell phones and high speed Internet service, or to help out with expenses at home.

As teens grow into adulthood, they naturally seek autonomy from parents and family members and seek out new friends, activities, ideas and experiences. In these pursuits, teens are confronted with multiple choices every day. But many teens have only limited experience in decision-making and may not recognize the consequences which flow from  each decision. Then there is the impact of peer pressure. This can easily cloud a teen’s perception of the “right” choice, even though all teens intuitively know when they are “crossing the line” and are not making the right decision. 

How do you know if you are making the right decision? How do you go about it? There is no simple answer. First, trust your “gut.” We all have internalized a set of values derived from our parents, family and religious traditions. This internalized “alarm” will “go off” as a warning when a decision may not be good for you. Second, try to develop your own method or way of deciding on a particular course of action(decision-making) such as:

             1. Recognize that a decision needs to be made (e.g.: you have a choice); 
             2. Gather information to help make the decision (e.g.: you don’t have to 
                 make an immediate decision, you can just say, “I’ll think about it,” 
                 or “I’ll let you know”);
             3. Identify alternative or different decisions which could be made (choices);
             4. Examine the possible outcomes or results of different decisions;
             5. Consider how the possible alternatives fit with your personal values and goals;
             6. Recognize poor reasons for choosing certain alternatives (e.g.: peer pressure,
                 a desire to prove maturity, feelings of rebellion, etc.);
             7. Making a decision.                                                    Source: National PTA

Third, in important decisions, seek out a trusted adult such as your parent(s), other close adult family member, clergy member or guidance counselor at school to “listen” to your thinking, and to give you support and assistance. Talking to someone about choices you are considering is always good. It is extremely difficult to make decisions, especially important ones, in a vacuum even if you have done a lot of research on your own. 

Through the mass media, adult society routinely presents unhealthy and destructive lifestyles as the norm. And yet, these same media sources (TV, cable, videos, the Internet, etc.), rarely depict the risks or harmful effects of much of this behavior. It is possible that your parents may exhibit some unhealthy or harmful lifestyle choices. The important point to keep in mind is that only you can decide how to live your life, and you will live with both the positive and negative consequences of those decisions. 

As a teen, you are presented with some very important decisions -- so called critical choices -- on a daily basis. These choices frequently result in unanticipated consequences, and in many cases, the risk of substantial physical or psychological harm to you. In the extreme, some critical choices may result in serious injury or death. Some examples include: 

                       -- to use illegal drugs/drink alcohol or to abstain;
                       -- to throw or attend an unsupervised party;
                       -- to become sexually active, or engage in unprotected sex; 
                       -- to cut school;
                       -- to join a posse or gang, or to threaten or assault other teens; 
                       -- to stay out all night, or to break curfew on a regular basis;
                       -- to engage in vandalism, to shoplift or steal money or property 
                          from anyone; 
                       -- to use the family automobile or a friends’ without a license or 
                          parental permission;
                       -- to drive under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Whether the decision is to engage in the above behaviors for the first time, to continue the above behavior(s), or to discontinue them, the choice is yours. Teens need to plug in a conscious decision-making process like the 7-step process described previously. In fact, you don’t have to wait to be presented with the above critical choices, you can consider how you feel about each of the above before being confronted with the choice. This will give you time to really understand your feelings, to learn the consequences, and to seek out adult support and assistance. Lastly, you need to understand how each of the above does or does not coincide with your personal values, and how each will detract from or contribute to your life goals. 

You have the right to live your life free from abuse, neglect or exploitation by adults.

Physical abuse is hitting or other contact which causes physical harm or bruising to a child under the age of 18. Corporal punishment is permitted in New York State but not if it  results in bruises or need for medical attention. 

Sexual abuse is any sexual contact between an adult and a child under the age of 18.

Child neglect is the failure of an adult or caretaker to provide for the basic needs of a child under 18 years of age including: 

                           - failure to provide food, shelter and health care;
                           - failure to provide proper supervision, abandonment, expulsion 
                             from home or refusing to allow a runaway child to return home; 
                           - failure to provide mandated or special educational services, or
                             complicity in a child’s chronic truancy from school; 
                           - actions which place the child’s emotional well being at risk
                             including, for example, spousal abuse or illegal drug use in the 
                             child’s presence, parental permission of alcohol or drug use
                             by a child, etc. 

If you or someone you know is the victim of child abuse or neglect as described above, it is very important that you report it to an adult such as a non-abusing parent, a guidance counselor or social worker at school, a clergy person at your house of worship, or any other trusted adult. You may also go to any hospital emergency room or police station to report abuse or neglect. These adults will report the abuse for you. 

You may also report abuse or neglect to yourself, brothers or sisters, or others by calling the New York State Child Abuse Hotline at 1 800 342-3720

The first step in making the abuse or neglect stop and getting on with your life is to report it. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for the abuse or neglect, you are the victim. 

RESPONSE Hotline....................... 631  751-7500
Middle Earth Hotline..................... 516  679-1111